this is correct. What brings this revelation on? Oh, simply staring at them for hours and not wanting to write my super important paper that is going to decide whether I graduate or not..
kidding. mostly.
I wanted to get my nails "did" as it were, but I am pooooooor. So I decided to do them myself. Only problem? I have to find nails for little girls. Why? because normal human size nails are all too big for my fingers. I still have to use the littlest ones *even in the tiny girls' sizes*. good news? these are way cheaper.
It's early in the morning. I have class soon. This will be terrible. I will not be nice for class. sooooo..
:)
also? if you happen to have a little girl, the Dollar General is about the only place to find her cute nails. jussayin. :
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
you thought I was going to let this die, didn't you?
haha! Never.
have you ever just struggled to get inspiration or motivation for anything? not like I am depressed, there's just always so much going on in life.
so.. there's some super big things going on like:
1. I moved. well.. kind of. I am still in a dorm and living on campus, but I've got this super sweet room by myself.
2. I started my big girl job. well.. kind of. I am doing it part time this semester just to get my feet wet.
3. I will graduate in May. There is no kind of here. This is legitimately happening.
4. I got an A in LOGIC last semester. Yeah.. didn't see that one coming at all, did you?
now that you know what has been going on in my life, I will pretend to listen to what has been going on in yours.. oh? work is the same.. how's that awful person you work with? still awful? boo. I feel like we should slash their tires, hypothetically. Oh, you and your significant other broke up? super boo.. they were a douche/psychotic. You deserve someone waaaaay more sane. You gave up on your New Years Resolutions? yeah.. I don't even make them any more.
Which brings us to the point of this blog which is........
I am a horrible person.
Okay, not really.. only kind of. Sometimes my attempts at humor are rather awful like:
1.when I tell a minimum of three children per year that Santa Claus is diabetic and will die if he eats their cookies. (that way, when they wake up in the morning and see the cookies gone, they assume Santa is dead.)
2. when I decide to randomly leap across large areas screaming how alive the hills are with the sound of music.. and then making an awful face at people when I get weird looks.
These are rather awful in drastically different ways, which I am sure you can imagine.
One year, my New Years Resolution was to change this about myself. I planned for weeks.. being as mean as I could so I could get all the awful out of me.. telling people that they weren't as funny as they thought they were.. telling my siblings they were adopted and I could prove it.. putting salt in sugar shakers.. I. Was. A. Tyrant.
I went to watch the strawberry drop that year. (In Manhattan, KS - the "Little Apple", as it were, a ball in the shape of an apple that actually looks like a strawberry is dropped much the same as the ball is dropped in Times Square, except waaaaay not.) The last 15 minutes of the previous year, I was feeling good about myself. "Yes, self.. this is the year I understand that not everyone can be as awesome as I am and that I can not fault someone for not being cool." By the time it was 5 minutes to the cher.. I mean strawber.. I mean apple drop, I was feeling pretty good about myself - thinking "yes! this *is* the year! this is the time! I will be sweet and demure and not let my mouth get ahead of me and not always say what everyone is thinking and is too scared to and not be mean! This! Could! Work!"
at 12:02 on my way back to my vehicle after watching the apple drop, I noticed a girl wearing Uggs and a mini skirt. For the first little bit, I ignored the fact that I was in approximately 18 shirts and multitudes of layers everywhere and said to myself, "she's a grown up. she can do what she wants." Then it happened.. I was passing her on the sidewalk and she asked if she could walk with me to my car and borrow my gloves till we got there. Before I could even stop myself, I had asked her if maybe she would like to borrow a whole outfit from me in a tone that was icier than the bottom 90% of a glacier.
yup. 2 minutes. Shortest Resolution ever.
so now, I just try to be nicer sometimes. Sometimes.
Something I've noticed about where I'm at in Oklahoma? an extreme lack of mini skirts and Ugg boots..
maybe this is where I'm supposed to be.. :)
have you ever just struggled to get inspiration or motivation for anything? not like I am depressed, there's just always so much going on in life.
so.. there's some super big things going on like:
1. I moved. well.. kind of. I am still in a dorm and living on campus, but I've got this super sweet room by myself.
2. I started my big girl job. well.. kind of. I am doing it part time this semester just to get my feet wet.
3. I will graduate in May. There is no kind of here. This is legitimately happening.
4. I got an A in LOGIC last semester. Yeah.. didn't see that one coming at all, did you?
now that you know what has been going on in my life, I will pretend to listen to what has been going on in yours.. oh? work is the same.. how's that awful person you work with? still awful? boo. I feel like we should slash their tires, hypothetically. Oh, you and your significant other broke up? super boo.. they were a douche/psychotic. You deserve someone waaaaay more sane. You gave up on your New Years Resolutions? yeah.. I don't even make them any more.
Which brings us to the point of this blog which is........
I am a horrible person.
Okay, not really.. only kind of. Sometimes my attempts at humor are rather awful like:
1.when I tell a minimum of three children per year that Santa Claus is diabetic and will die if he eats their cookies. (that way, when they wake up in the morning and see the cookies gone, they assume Santa is dead.)
2. when I decide to randomly leap across large areas screaming how alive the hills are with the sound of music.. and then making an awful face at people when I get weird looks.
These are rather awful in drastically different ways, which I am sure you can imagine.
One year, my New Years Resolution was to change this about myself. I planned for weeks.. being as mean as I could so I could get all the awful out of me.. telling people that they weren't as funny as they thought they were.. telling my siblings they were adopted and I could prove it.. putting salt in sugar shakers.. I. Was. A. Tyrant.
I went to watch the strawberry drop that year. (In Manhattan, KS - the "Little Apple", as it were, a ball in the shape of an apple that actually looks like a strawberry is dropped much the same as the ball is dropped in Times Square, except waaaaay not.) The last 15 minutes of the previous year, I was feeling good about myself. "Yes, self.. this is the year I understand that not everyone can be as awesome as I am and that I can not fault someone for not being cool." By the time it was 5 minutes to the cher.. I mean strawber.. I mean apple drop, I was feeling pretty good about myself - thinking "yes! this *is* the year! this is the time! I will be sweet and demure and not let my mouth get ahead of me and not always say what everyone is thinking and is too scared to and not be mean! This! Could! Work!"
at 12:02 on my way back to my vehicle after watching the apple drop, I noticed a girl wearing Uggs and a mini skirt. For the first little bit, I ignored the fact that I was in approximately 18 shirts and multitudes of layers everywhere and said to myself, "she's a grown up. she can do what she wants." Then it happened.. I was passing her on the sidewalk and she asked if she could walk with me to my car and borrow my gloves till we got there. Before I could even stop myself, I had asked her if maybe she would like to borrow a whole outfit from me in a tone that was icier than the bottom 90% of a glacier.
yup. 2 minutes. Shortest Resolution ever.
so now, I just try to be nicer sometimes. Sometimes.
Something I've noticed about where I'm at in Oklahoma? an extreme lack of mini skirts and Ugg boots..
maybe this is where I'm supposed to be.. :)
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Long Time, No Update
so.. this semester has been crazy.. to quote a favorite video of mine, "kid in the background going crrraaazzay" (Mindy cred if you get that video.. if not, let me know and I will send you a link. :)) I have been that kid in the background this semester.. finally kind of have a day off today..
Observations about today:
1. It's almost Thanksgiving. This reminds me to be extra super thankful for everything. Keep this in mind for later in the post..
2. I got a Sunday afternoon nap. I once had a professor tell me she was a SAINT. I asked her what that meant for her life, and she said "Sunday Afternoon Is Nap Time." This was a principle I used in my life for a long time.. except this semester. Can I just say that being nearly done with this degree might kill me? (:
3. My roommate is amazing. No joke. Not only does she put up with me, but she encourages me when I feel dumb.
Okay, so back to the first observation. In case you have forgotten what it is, I will remind you - "1. It's almost Thanksgiving. This reminds me to be extra super thankful for everything. Keep this in mind for later in the post."
I mostly had a charmed childhood. I am unbelievably thankful for the way I grew up. My parents were (still are, but we are referencing a long time ago) amazing, and we lived not far from both sets of Grandparents. I would call my Grandparents and tell them I was going to come stay at their house for a few days, and they should ready themselves. I was constantly surrounded by people who loved me and would do anything to see me smile. No joke. So, naturally, when I was convinced something was going to happen, it did.
I can only think of two times when I was younger that things went drastically different than I planned..
The first was when I was in Kindergarten. I sometimes rode the bus home, but was convinced that if I simply willed that my Grandpa would come pick me up, he would. The bus driver asked me several times if I was supposed to ride home with her, but I told her no. My grandpa will come. I waited until the Principal made me call my mom, who then asked me why I didn't ride the bus home. I told her Grandpa was coming to get me (apparently, I've always been stubborn), She said no, he never was. She had to get off work to come get me. Of course, this didn't make me love me Grandpa any less, it just made me hate riding the bus a little more.. :)
The second time was in third grade. You should know that I love to roller skate. I am 25 and still love it. Getting on that smooth wood floor and skating for hours and laughing when all my friends fall down and hug the wall while I skate circles around them.. it is amazing in the sense that I am a terrible friend. Something about roller skating and roller skating parties has always gone amazing with birthdays. Seriously. I have always desired to have a skating party for my birthday, even since I was little.
In third grade, I invited my entire class to a hypothetical roller skating party. I am pretty sure I was thinking that if my whole class knew, my parents would have to make it happen for me. I also told me entire class that my parents would pick them up. Yup.. this was a biggy.
I was excited about it.. until I got home. No, I didn't get in trouble as soon as I got home.. that wouldn't have been my life. I forgot about it when I got home. Yep. Completely forgot to ask my parents if I could have a skating party. That weekend, when the party was supposed to be starting, I was outside playing. The phone started ringing inside, but I didn't care..
until..
I heard my first *and* middle name being called from inside the house. And it was being called at the pitch that makes you run straight there rather than prolong any punishment.. at times, it was like if I waited, it would be the equivalent of resisting arrest. I ran straight in to see my parents sitting at the table
. "You told your class we were having a skating party for you? and that we'd pick them up? we have a car, Amy. how was that supposed to work?"
I had to write every verse about lying from Nave's Topical Bible. (my parents were always very Biblical in their punishment)
And do you know what the bigger punishment is?
I still haven't ever gone roller skating on my birthday.
RSVP cause it's happening next year.
for real,
amy :)
Observations about today:
1. It's almost Thanksgiving. This reminds me to be extra super thankful for everything. Keep this in mind for later in the post..
2. I got a Sunday afternoon nap. I once had a professor tell me she was a SAINT. I asked her what that meant for her life, and she said "Sunday Afternoon Is Nap Time." This was a principle I used in my life for a long time.. except this semester. Can I just say that being nearly done with this degree might kill me? (:
3. My roommate is amazing. No joke. Not only does she put up with me, but she encourages me when I feel dumb.
Okay, so back to the first observation. In case you have forgotten what it is, I will remind you - "1. It's almost Thanksgiving. This reminds me to be extra super thankful for everything. Keep this in mind for later in the post."
I mostly had a charmed childhood. I am unbelievably thankful for the way I grew up. My parents were (still are, but we are referencing a long time ago) amazing, and we lived not far from both sets of Grandparents. I would call my Grandparents and tell them I was going to come stay at their house for a few days, and they should ready themselves. I was constantly surrounded by people who loved me and would do anything to see me smile. No joke. So, naturally, when I was convinced something was going to happen, it did.
I can only think of two times when I was younger that things went drastically different than I planned..
The first was when I was in Kindergarten. I sometimes rode the bus home, but was convinced that if I simply willed that my Grandpa would come pick me up, he would. The bus driver asked me several times if I was supposed to ride home with her, but I told her no. My grandpa will come. I waited until the Principal made me call my mom, who then asked me why I didn't ride the bus home. I told her Grandpa was coming to get me (apparently, I've always been stubborn), She said no, he never was. She had to get off work to come get me. Of course, this didn't make me love me Grandpa any less, it just made me hate riding the bus a little more.. :)
The second time was in third grade. You should know that I love to roller skate. I am 25 and still love it. Getting on that smooth wood floor and skating for hours and laughing when all my friends fall down and hug the wall while I skate circles around them.. it is amazing in the sense that I am a terrible friend. Something about roller skating and roller skating parties has always gone amazing with birthdays. Seriously. I have always desired to have a skating party for my birthday, even since I was little.
In third grade, I invited my entire class to a hypothetical roller skating party. I am pretty sure I was thinking that if my whole class knew, my parents would have to make it happen for me. I also told me entire class that my parents would pick them up. Yup.. this was a biggy.
I was excited about it.. until I got home. No, I didn't get in trouble as soon as I got home.. that wouldn't have been my life. I forgot about it when I got home. Yep. Completely forgot to ask my parents if I could have a skating party. That weekend, when the party was supposed to be starting, I was outside playing. The phone started ringing inside, but I didn't care..
until..
I heard my first *and* middle name being called from inside the house. And it was being called at the pitch that makes you run straight there rather than prolong any punishment.. at times, it was like if I waited, it would be the equivalent of resisting arrest. I ran straight in to see my parents sitting at the table
. "You told your class we were having a skating party for you? and that we'd pick them up? we have a car, Amy. how was that supposed to work?"
I had to write every verse about lying from Nave's Topical Bible. (my parents were always very Biblical in their punishment)
And do you know what the bigger punishment is?
I still haven't ever gone roller skating on my birthday.
RSVP cause it's happening next year.
for real,
amy :)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I'm All Jacked Up on Mike and Ikes..
someone should really restrict my sugar intake..
So.. this summer is totally screaming by.. and I think it might have something to do with all the candy I have eaten today.. Tropical Mike and Ikes might be the reason I'm diabetic someday.. picture it with me.. I'm sitting in a doctor's office and the doctor comes into the room, shaking his head saying "if only you hadn't had that box of Mike and Ikes.."
Anyway..
Sometimes, I feel like life is going a little too fast. Especially after holidays where literally eight trillion people get engaged and/or married. Not that I necessarily am ready for that, and not that I am pining away in my huge office, it just gets kind of lame to observe it and not experience it.. I get kind of tired of writing "congratulations! you guys are so cute together" on people's Facebook wall, knowing deep inside my spirit, someone will say that about me and my cats someday. (This sentence is supposed to be suuuuuper self deprecating. Laugh.. it's okay.. I laugh at me all the time.. in fact, I may just be one of the funniest people I know!)
Different subject.. let's see what my crazy brain can come up with.. a good story.. hmm..
Can't really think of one. I'll repost again later.
oh? and for your time? I will leave you with a joke..
what do you call a hiker who likes to gossip?
a walkie talkie. :)
So.. this summer is totally screaming by.. and I think it might have something to do with all the candy I have eaten today.. Tropical Mike and Ikes might be the reason I'm diabetic someday.. picture it with me.. I'm sitting in a doctor's office and the doctor comes into the room, shaking his head saying "if only you hadn't had that box of Mike and Ikes.."
Anyway..
Sometimes, I feel like life is going a little too fast. Especially after holidays where literally eight trillion people get engaged and/or married. Not that I necessarily am ready for that, and not that I am pining away in my huge office, it just gets kind of lame to observe it and not experience it.. I get kind of tired of writing "congratulations! you guys are so cute together" on people's Facebook wall, knowing deep inside my spirit, someone will say that about me and my cats someday. (This sentence is supposed to be suuuuuper self deprecating. Laugh.. it's okay.. I laugh at me all the time.. in fact, I may just be one of the funniest people I know!)
Different subject.. let's see what my crazy brain can come up with.. a good story.. hmm..
Can't really think of one. I'll repost again later.
oh? and for your time? I will leave you with a joke..
what do you call a hiker who likes to gossip?
a walkie talkie. :)
Monday, May 23, 2011
This One Time
.. no, not at Band Camp. American Pie has kind of ruined that phrase for this entire generation. Maybe a better title would be
Funny Story
except if my mom reads it, she'll tell you that usually when I say funny story, it ends up being not so funny. Like when I called her and told her my car was stolen and started off the conversation with "funny story". So.. let's just call this one
Untitled (to put anything in parenthesis actually gives it a title, but why do many people do it?)
This summer is going to be legit. If you read this, there is a good chance we are facebook friends, because I am relatively certain there are only 3 people who read this ever. So, you should look at the picture of my office for the summer. I don't want to be braggy, but I never dreamed I would have an office like this at 24. Srsly. And the church I am working for has been super amazing. But, it reminds me a lot of the church we went to growing up. (we as in my family.. sorry.. I did not magically have a significant other, or a frog in my pocket. In fact, I don't have any pockets in the athletic pants I am wearing today, so there's nowhere to carry anything except my hands and I think the secretary might have freaked out a lot if I came in this morning leisurely carrying my soda and a frog. jussayin.) Not that reminiding me of the church I grew up in is a bad thing, in fact, quite a alot of funny things happened there. Or on the way there. You see, I am kind of anal about being on time places. If there is a prescribed time to be somewhere, I will do everything in my power to be there when it satrts, and hopefully earlier (as an event planner, it makes me crazy when people show up just when something is supposed to be starting.. can you not have gotten there 5 minutes earlier and we could all be in correct groupings?! come. on.)
So, the girls group that I was involved in made pies for people every year for Thanksgiving. It was one of our big fundraisers - we'll make the pies, you pay an extremely high price for them and we get to go on vacation this summer. That's how it worked. I wasn't able to drive yet, and my dad wasn't home from work. I decided that being late was the worst possible thing to be, so I decided I would hurridely ride my bike to church. I hopped on and noticed that there were convienent dirt tracks on the road - I wouldn't even have to look up! This would save me so much time! I could pedal like a fiend and end up where i needed to go! This. Would. Work.
And it did.. until I came to the parked car.
Yes, friends. In my teenage years, I ran into a parked car on my bike. It was a sad state of affairs in which I had to have twelve stitches on my middle finger of my right hand.
Some of you might be thinking - 'Amy, we've been friends for a long time. I never knew what happened there. But now I am going ot make fun of you until we die because you ran into a parked car on your bike when you were 16.'
In response? I would first agree. And then remind you that I skipped first grade and was way smarter than you when we were 7. Also? I would probably remind you of the fact that we aren't friends because I am the sharpest tool in the shed, we are friends because of our mutual awesomeness. And I might throw in a reference specific to our friendship.
And then you'd feel terrible.
And I would win at life.
This ending got really mean. I apologize.
puppies and kittens hugging and frolicking (had to counteract the mean..) :)
you. bet.
P.S. - I am not positive this one is funny.. I feel like it is more informational than hilarious. I may or may not still be doped up on codeine, which makes me crazy but not funny crazy. More like just psycho crazy. So, direct constructive criticism to: amy.kiker@gmail.com
Promise it'll be funnier next time.
Funny Story
except if my mom reads it, she'll tell you that usually when I say funny story, it ends up being not so funny. Like when I called her and told her my car was stolen and started off the conversation with "funny story". So.. let's just call this one
Untitled (to put anything in parenthesis actually gives it a title, but why do many people do it?)
This summer is going to be legit. If you read this, there is a good chance we are facebook friends, because I am relatively certain there are only 3 people who read this ever. So, you should look at the picture of my office for the summer. I don't want to be braggy, but I never dreamed I would have an office like this at 24. Srsly. And the church I am working for has been super amazing. But, it reminds me a lot of the church we went to growing up. (we as in my family.. sorry.. I did not magically have a significant other, or a frog in my pocket. In fact, I don't have any pockets in the athletic pants I am wearing today, so there's nowhere to carry anything except my hands and I think the secretary might have freaked out a lot if I came in this morning leisurely carrying my soda and a frog. jussayin.) Not that reminiding me of the church I grew up in is a bad thing, in fact, quite a alot of funny things happened there. Or on the way there. You see, I am kind of anal about being on time places. If there is a prescribed time to be somewhere, I will do everything in my power to be there when it satrts, and hopefully earlier (as an event planner, it makes me crazy when people show up just when something is supposed to be starting.. can you not have gotten there 5 minutes earlier and we could all be in correct groupings?! come. on.)
So, the girls group that I was involved in made pies for people every year for Thanksgiving. It was one of our big fundraisers - we'll make the pies, you pay an extremely high price for them and we get to go on vacation this summer. That's how it worked. I wasn't able to drive yet, and my dad wasn't home from work. I decided that being late was the worst possible thing to be, so I decided I would hurridely ride my bike to church. I hopped on and noticed that there were convienent dirt tracks on the road - I wouldn't even have to look up! This would save me so much time! I could pedal like a fiend and end up where i needed to go! This. Would. Work.
And it did.. until I came to the parked car.
Yes, friends. In my teenage years, I ran into a parked car on my bike. It was a sad state of affairs in which I had to have twelve stitches on my middle finger of my right hand.
Some of you might be thinking - 'Amy, we've been friends for a long time. I never knew what happened there. But now I am going ot make fun of you until we die because you ran into a parked car on your bike when you were 16.'
In response? I would first agree. And then remind you that I skipped first grade and was way smarter than you when we were 7. Also? I would probably remind you of the fact that we aren't friends because I am the sharpest tool in the shed, we are friends because of our mutual awesomeness. And I might throw in a reference specific to our friendship.
And then you'd feel terrible.
And I would win at life.
This ending got really mean. I apologize.
puppies and kittens hugging and frolicking (had to counteract the mean..) :)
you. bet.
P.S. - I am not positive this one is funny.. I feel like it is more informational than hilarious. I may or may not still be doped up on codeine, which makes me crazy but not funny crazy. More like just psycho crazy. So, direct constructive criticism to: amy.kiker@gmail.com
Promise it'll be funnier next time.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Holy Freaking Cow.
Dude.. Can I be honest? Sometimes I drink energy drinks and get even weirder. And yes, it is possible. And yes, it just happened. And yes, no one is really around to buffet the weirdness, so I am writing a blog. And yes, I just correctly used buffet in a sentence. I can't tell you the language of origin because that would take too long and my hands are shaky.
Monster Dub is my Frienemy. You should or should not try it.
Okay so anyway.. what I was going to originally be writing about.....
1. It's Spring. Can someone alert Mother Nature to this fact, please? Because I could see my breath last night. That should not happen in the month of MAY. Seeing my breath in May is like a panda giving birth to a deer - probably the most horrifying experience ever. The poor panda.. it was an accidental pregnancy.. she never saw it coming. Now, the deer has run away because its mom can't relate to it.. The deer is all pierced and tatted up and on its way to some state Hunting area to commit deericide. It's going to happen. Look it up. Let's have some sun, mmmk MN? I would hate to see a deer on the side of the road all pierced and tatted cause you can't get your stuff together. kthx.
2. The previous paragraph? Was super weird. Erase that from your memory and chalk it up to lack of sleep and way too much B12.
3. Being a grown up rocks when you get to have Nutter Butter Bites for dinner.
4. I should be studying for a Final in 3 hours. Nah.. I'd rather keep you entertained.
5. I have a cough. I think I am dying. But like actually not, because I just got some test results back from the Doctor and I am definitely not dying and definitely not pregnant. Two things that made my year. But this scare reminded me of another time I was convinced I was dying - this was when I was little and had head lice. I've only had it once, but that was enough. We (my older brother and I) got called in to the nurse for a routine check and immediately were quarantined. They called our parents and my dad had to come get us. My mom met us at home and this is what she told me - "You got head lice, so I'm going to have to shave your head." Yes. In this trqumatic (I noticed this typo, but I'm not going to fix it. I feel like it drives home the fact that I am all jacked up on energy drinks.)moment, my mom's attempt at humor had me running out of the house, onto the porch, screaming that I would rather keep the head lice. My mom sent my dad out, but it was too late. My brain had already jumped to the conclusion that the head lice were going to somehow burrow into my brain and infest it and then cut off all oxygen and I would slowly asphyxiate while my parents were shampooing my older brother's head. A little dramatic? Perhaps. Welcome to my reality. I did have to cut my hair a little, and we got rid of the lice. And that is the only time I ever had them. But, every time someone says head lice, a part of my brain still freaks out and ties it to death. This is a disgusting paragraph, and you can erase this one from your memory, too.
6. I have several irrational fears. One of them? I can't wash my hands in the bathroom until the toilet has stopped refilling because I am scared the lines will somehow cross and I will be washing my hands with what I just flushed.
This post is way random, and will probably be used one day to send me to a mental institution.
Have at it. As long as there's a jump to conclusions mat. :)
Monster Dub is my Frienemy. You should or should not try it.
Okay so anyway.. what I was going to originally be writing about.....
1. It's Spring. Can someone alert Mother Nature to this fact, please? Because I could see my breath last night. That should not happen in the month of MAY. Seeing my breath in May is like a panda giving birth to a deer - probably the most horrifying experience ever. The poor panda.. it was an accidental pregnancy.. she never saw it coming. Now, the deer has run away because its mom can't relate to it.. The deer is all pierced and tatted up and on its way to some state Hunting area to commit deericide. It's going to happen. Look it up. Let's have some sun, mmmk MN? I would hate to see a deer on the side of the road all pierced and tatted cause you can't get your stuff together. kthx.
2. The previous paragraph? Was super weird. Erase that from your memory and chalk it up to lack of sleep and way too much B12.
3. Being a grown up rocks when you get to have Nutter Butter Bites for dinner.
4. I should be studying for a Final in 3 hours. Nah.. I'd rather keep you entertained.
5. I have a cough. I think I am dying. But like actually not, because I just got some test results back from the Doctor and I am definitely not dying and definitely not pregnant. Two things that made my year. But this scare reminded me of another time I was convinced I was dying - this was when I was little and had head lice. I've only had it once, but that was enough. We (my older brother and I) got called in to the nurse for a routine check and immediately were quarantined. They called our parents and my dad had to come get us. My mom met us at home and this is what she told me - "You got head lice, so I'm going to have to shave your head." Yes. In this trqumatic (I noticed this typo, but I'm not going to fix it. I feel like it drives home the fact that I am all jacked up on energy drinks.)moment, my mom's attempt at humor had me running out of the house, onto the porch, screaming that I would rather keep the head lice. My mom sent my dad out, but it was too late. My brain had already jumped to the conclusion that the head lice were going to somehow burrow into my brain and infest it and then cut off all oxygen and I would slowly asphyxiate while my parents were shampooing my older brother's head. A little dramatic? Perhaps. Welcome to my reality. I did have to cut my hair a little, and we got rid of the lice. And that is the only time I ever had them. But, every time someone says head lice, a part of my brain still freaks out and ties it to death. This is a disgusting paragraph, and you can erase this one from your memory, too.
6. I have several irrational fears. One of them? I can't wash my hands in the bathroom until the toilet has stopped refilling because I am scared the lines will somehow cross and I will be washing my hands with what I just flushed.
This post is way random, and will probably be used one day to send me to a mental institution.
Have at it. As long as there's a jump to conclusions mat. :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
One Thing You Should Definitely Know About Me is that I Am Super Irrationally Afraid of Bears
That title? Yeah.. it's a whole sentence. And the general gist of this blog, in a round about sort of way. But you should definitely read the first paragraph about Spring Break. I think it has some quality "intelligence for your life", to quote Mr. John Tesh.
Anyway.. it's been a while since my last post. Apologies, it's Spring Break. I have two things running through my head about Spring Break - 1) Spring Break?! It's still Winter, bozos! Frostbite? It's not nearly as sexy as tanned, glistening skin. I suppose my choice of Spring Break destination would make a difference - I did come home, which is Northeast Kansas.. and it's like 40 degrees colder. This is not an exaggeration. Anyway, shivering on Spring Break? yeah. not cool. Except, it is very cool.. but not cool in the "hey man, that is super legit!" definition of cool. No, it would have to be the "oh - it's still al little cool outside, even though I am already wearing three parkas, six sweaters, and nine pairs of long underwear." definition. Yup. Gonna go with that one. 2) This particular break needs to be renamed. Instead of Spring Break, it needs to be called "Spring Super Productive Being An Adult All the Time Week". This week is chock full of things that I want to do, have to do, and need to do.. several things involving the wreck and switching cars over, getting new phones, switching cell providers, and that is only the first three hours! I kind of can't wait to get back to school and slow down again..
But seriously.. the reason you came.. the title. Oh, and you get a gold star if you made it this far, I am having an ADD attack this morning.
(Imagine Maury Ballstein from Zoolander when he sings that bopbadabaabopbabopbadabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa to tell Derek that Mugatu wants Zoolander for his new campaign..)
I have found my future husband. Yes. Seriously. Click the link. Then come back so I can tell you why this gentleman is perfect for me.
This man is perfect for me for several reasons. I will now list them.
1. His beard. It is legit. I like facial hair. A lot.
2. He knows his gun safety. He isn't flailing that rifle around so anyone can accidentally get shot. Nope. He's cradling it, and made sure the muzzle was pointing up and away from mostly anybody. If someone ends up on the business end of that gun, it's their own fault.
3. He's got sparkling eyes. 'Nuf said.
4. He lives in California. Yes, it would be tough to get used to going to the beach every day, but I think I could manage.
5. He looks to be around 6' tall. This is an important factor - I don't want to be taller than him when I wear my super cute heels!
6. His last name is Kinman, my initials don't have to change. I like my initials.
7. (this one is the most important) HE KILLS BEARS!
I don't know how or when I became afraid of bears, I just always have been. We (as a family) camp a lot in Colorado. I can remember seeing them since I was little and having to put things away and seeing tents mangled while people were gone, but I don't think that's what it is. I would like to conjecture that my fear of bears is my older brother's fault. We would be on some remote four wheel drive trail, the only people around for years, and inevitably, we would have to pee. In that case, he would find a tree and I would attempt to find a semi-comfortable log. My older brother always finished before me, and would always, ALWAYS sneak up the mountain a bit, then come running down screaming "BEAR!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!" This usually meant that I would sit for approximately 3 seconds trying to decide whether to pull up my pants and then run, or risk falling down the mountain because my pants were still around my ankles to reach the safety of the Jeep before the bear ate me. Pants around my ankles, arms flailing, I would get closer to the car and hear my parents scolding my brother. "Brad, you have to stop that. She is terrified of bears. You know that." This was the opportunity to pull up my pants and face my family with a shred of dignity................
Anyway, the second picture of this guy? Not only does he kill bears, he then makes furniture out of them! He kills bears AND is handy around the house? AND I can sit on one of my irrational fears?!
Now, I just have to figure out how to build a time machine. Stupid Laws of Physics. I bet Seth could build me one out of bear intestines. :)
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